Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
