Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
