I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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