I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
