I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize