Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
