M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
where are you?
Hypothermia
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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