shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
