there's paper in my vomit.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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