Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize