I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
