It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
