we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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