last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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