my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
