So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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