Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
