You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
