I just threw up on my dentist
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
