My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
