Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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