Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
