Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
