Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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