I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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