At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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