a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
