You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
