Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Floor bacon is actually really good
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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