doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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