Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
