pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
