This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
