i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Quick, to the slutcave!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
