I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
