Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
