hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
