I accidentally burped into my bong.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
