Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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