i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They have beer where we have blood.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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