either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
