bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
