I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
