Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
