i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
