Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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