Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
