If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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