I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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