ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
