The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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