Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize