I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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