I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
