Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
