I faked an abortion last night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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