He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
