it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
