Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
