She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
