I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
