I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm both gender and math confused
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
