So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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