I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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