I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
