Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
