A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
