just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
