You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
