He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and she was petting her beer can
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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